oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
