Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize