"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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