Kiss
Puke
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
