you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
it glows. i had to have it.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
