it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
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