Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
