Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
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