my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
