final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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