Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
