Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
