just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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