please come you make the beer taste better
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
