I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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