you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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