Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize