wrigley field is MILF paradise
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I am midnight drunk by noon
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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