My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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