so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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