so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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