I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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