You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize