Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
