just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
there is glitter all over my balls
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