No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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