everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
