i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
