I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
