It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
