the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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