So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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