I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
