Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We talked him into tasing himself.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
