my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
