Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
