Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
