Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
