I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
