Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Randomize
