Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
