I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
