He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
