my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My Sexting was not on an AP level
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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