I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
