he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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