Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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