If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
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