just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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