OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
