o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
