I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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