Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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