I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Randomize
