soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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