i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
