it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
