six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
