my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
