Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Randomize
