Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
