Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
