they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
