Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
