I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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