remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize